前进，神军！

作为生于和平年代的晚辈，只能说，非常抱歉。用在这里挺合适的，丧气，无能为力，站在上帝视角对人类这类大概念，对意象，产生波涛不绝来得快去得快无消损的短暂的情感。最直接的感受是，It's so depressing to see the ineffective conversations between people, and how the mind can restrain a person from being happy. I see the powerfulness of believes, which in return makes me feel ignorant-- what am i to judge people in this film based on my believes? To see Okuzaki is so unsatisfied and full of regrets, remorse, and anger is not easy. Although I do not like him, it isn't any easier for me to say without thinking that he should just get over with it. He is not a free man... The man I see on the screen is incredibly lonely and he does not have anything that can hold him back, not even his lovely and seemingly understanding wife. He is a man without hope and treat life as a joke.

What's the difference between documentary & imaginative filmmaking? How do we interpret the dichotomy between truth and fiction 我的真实观影体验是，一开始很在意镜头，在意他正对着相机，被位置于画面正中央的时候滔滔不绝对court的控诉，以及他的一面之词-- saying how he acted rudely and cursed those irresponsible people at high positions。疑虑“真实情况”到底是什么，但随着时间退役，看他就一个问题的反复反复采访，逼问，咆哮，就忘记了相机的存在，似乎我是那个扛相机的人，当被找谈话的人被打时，我会思考我当时会做什么，等等，具体关于奥崎谦三的人物性格可以后面再讨论。20分钟时，当他和老母亲在坟前纪念的时候，老母亲唱歌唱错了突然气氛一变，老母亲您您您居然对着镜头笑了一下表示歉意然而导演并没有把这段剪掉与此同时他come on come on说着让老母亲继续然后继续开始流泪，表演。僵住。。；这段表演成分太强了，虽然我觉得到后期有可能是他越发走火入魔，有可能是被一层层揭露出来了，总之更加演技和生活浑然一体了。In the end the "truth" does not matter any more because through the indecisiveness of humans I can see the weakness, which means that neither of them wanted to be put into that kind of situation... 每一个人都有可能做出同样的事情。有几个镜头都是对着他失去小指的右手拍的，似乎给他谈论战争，暴力带去了资历。几个转场的镜头从各种角度拍他的van：the camera is sometimes positioned above sea; long shot; somtimes behind the bushes. In all shots Okuzaki drove the van really fast (kind of like a heroic scene... 有种日理万机的感觉) 当他突然到访被指责没有事先通知的时候，说明镜头的存在感还是很强的。他打架的时候说自己的名字... who knows about him lol

他有非常强的自我主观的信念，一开始出场时，跳去最开始婚礼片段待会再讲，他像一个落魄的英雄，和长官说着，你有你的职责，我有我要干的事情，看起来似乎很通情达理，让我没办法不同情他的遭遇--即使卑微弱小，还是要体面地反抗。当他找到一个死去的private的老母亲，他说的是他需要console his（死去的兵）sole in my way，其实这也就是他一个类似于令我又心疼又恨的vigilante的一层层被揭露的开始。当然也是他内心需求一个旁人都知道不存在的终极答案的表达。他开着宣传车在马路上被拦下来，身后是建筑，街上是现代化的大马路，川流不息的行人和车辆。

社会关系/父亲角色责任的缺失。To me, Okuzaki is interesting in a way that he is like fictional character-- he has never been a father whereas all other soliders after then came back from the war seemed to move on to have a peaceful life. I see frequent dichonomy between people who want to move on nd people who are stuck with the past. 很多方面都很像一个小孩子诶，36分钟打架占上风的时候就很得意，输了就说stop filming. I'm getting beaten up. 说I didn't hit you so hard??? What??? Come on no one says that in a fight...同样特别爱炫耀"No one beat more officers than I do." "I shot the emperor..." He seems to think that he is the only one who can correct wrongs and hold justice. "Tell us the truth in front of camera." 他坚信世上有因果报应，事事都有答案，并把这硬塞进他人的观念里。

It's also very interesting to think about how we all hate the people who are like ourselves. He hates the emperor and blames him for the suffering he has, but he himself is also irresponsible in terms of being a good husband, at least that's how I interpret the film. This film also reminds me of the documentary Petition, during which the director primarily focuses on a mother and a duaghter's sad / selfish story too... well selfish might not be the right word here but... can't find a better word.

If I were to ignore Okuzaki's identity as a retired soldier, logically it does not make a lot of sense to me. People say that they understand that's during the war time period that cannibalism is understandable. We know nothing about the emperor and how can we know about his life and say that his life is not like a battle every day? We tend to dramatize our own feelings and sensations but who are we after all? We're incapable of being responsible. We make mistakes. We are incapable of forgiving and giving love... most of the times. Aren't we all very ugly which makes us all equal and so the only thing we should do is just to move on and ignore these cynical. cynical? thoughts.

对okuzaki复杂的情感-- "Violence is my forte." 非常走火入魔的一个人物. However, weirdly, he did seem to get closer to what the truth was, suggesting that even though finding out truth was impossible, one can still do something to probe something out. 但是不喜欢他自我优越感，觉得自己的世界就是真理。随着剧情推进，Okuzaki is more and more skillful at playing his role.

He thinks highly of himself-- my guesses for why he always ignores the lower level people and says "I want the chief"

Two different types of people: 1. people who can't forget and want to dig further; people who are like Okuzaki, never satisfied and full of anger 2. people who move on and are now involved with more responsibility.

一个疑虑是40年过去了，到底电影里的人有多在乎（看起来是很在乎的but still worth asking）战争年代太可怕了太多order太多没什么为什么只有理所应当和服从命令。当逃兵就得被枪决，甚至是在战争结束以后。还有cannibalism-- 所有人都说着太恐怖太罪孽了不愿意去回忆。但是他们都记得。

老兵家拿橘子来摆设当时杀人场景太超现实了。。

guilt, compromises,